A couple of Sundays a month I do my good deed and volunteer for the charity Save The Children. Yes, not just a pretty face I hear you say. The work mostly involves setting up fundraising events at a local level, and helping with merchandising and stock at the local charity shop.
Yesterday at the shop, it was like any other normal day, full of shoppers looking for a bargain and of course those who like to haggle over a copy of Alan Titmarsh’s autobiography. Who can blame them, I mean paying £1.25 to read about how the green fingered Titmarsh rose to fame is simply extortionate. I’d rather buy a bag of compost and just bury my head in it, or better still, Titmarsh’s head, and while we’re at it, might as well put Charlie “I don’t own a bra” Dimmock and Tommy “I’ll open an envelope if you pay me” Walsh in there too. UK Gold, you have been warned, please do not repeat Ground Force, EVER.
Anyway, a couple of hours had gone by when in walked Jason, I knew my day was about to take a turn for the worse. Now for those of you who are unfamiliar with Jason, let me introduce you. Mr Jason Getts is a regular in the charity shop, he never actually buys anything but thinks of himself as the second coming of Del Boy, a bit of a wheeler dealer. Whatever you want, Jason Getts. Get it? Impressed? I was too.
Unfortunately for Jason that’s where the similarity ends, as the concept of charity has been somehow erased from his mind. Wearing his usual tea cosy hat, and green shell suit, Jason looks like the lost 4th member of N-Dubz. In all my time I’ve known him, I have yet to see him without the tea cosy.
Now Jason can get you anything, and I mean anything, at a price of course. He always knows a guy with “loads of contacts”. You want the latest designer clothes? who needs Selfridges, talk to Jason. Jewellery just like France’s First Lady Carla Bruni wears? no problem, talk to Jason. Hey, you want a thai mail order bride? forget the internet, talk to Jason.
So in he had walked with a bag full of items that he had got off one of his many “contacts” and was looking to do a deal. The fact that we were a charity shop that only accepted donations, was lost to him.
Before we got to the rehearsed and polished sales patter, he said he was on the lookout for a passport, and he offered to sell mine to a Ukrainian he knew of course who had loads of contacts and that he could get me a good price. Why on earth I’d actually want to sell my passport, Jason couldn’t quite comprehend.
So once that topic of conversation was over, it was time to see what he had in his bag of goodies.
Item number 1 he pulled out of the bag like some street magician from Covent Garden was a 10inch porcelain figure of David Gower. Now this was either unfinished or someone had taken a severe disliking to the cover drive David was playing and decided to break his cricket bat. Now normally they retail at £100, but since we were a charity he would let me have it for £20. Now a sane response from me would just be blocked out by his tea cosy hat. So I told him I support Pakistan, and unless he can pick up a porcelain figure of Imran Khan playing a reverse sweep, I wasn’t interested.
Back into the rucksack Jason went and item number 2 he pulled out was a black and decker cordless drill. Not bad I thought, and tried to give it a whirl. Straight away there was a problem, the battery was flat and Jason didn't have the charger. Retailing at £125 he would do a deal at £30 due to the minor default, but he did have a contact at B&Q who would do me a good price on a charger. I had to just roll my eyes and respectfully decline.
Item number 3 was a real gem, the final and the best of the lot, a signed copy of Michael Jackson’s masterpiece album - Thriller. Yes a SIGNED copy. I couldn’t believe it, all my birthdays, Christmases, Eids, and anything else I fancied celebrating had all come at once I thought. I nearly fell off my stool. Michael Jackson’s signed Thriller album on the counter in front of me. All I could say in my highest pitched voice was “he-heeeeeeee”, I wanted to moonwalk across the shop floor.
Jason not missing a beat started his sales pitch in his deep black country accent. “Obviously I had to go through one of my trusted contacts in America for this and as you know Michael Jackson is dead so its worth a fortune”.. Really? Noooo? I wish somebody had told me, I thought he was living in Venezuela picking out coffee beans for Nescafe. Anyway, the price Jason wanted.... £100. Now money was no object at this point as I picked up the CD for a closer inspection.
I asked about a certificate of authenticity, to which Jason advised, he had a contact in Berlin who could verify Michael Jacksons autograph as he also had an original autograph that Michael personally signed on tour back in 1995. Hmmm, of course he did, why wouldn’t he? I started to become sceptical of this too good to be true CD I was holding in my hand.
Then as I looked at the signature of the perhaps the greatest pop musician to have graced the airwaves, I noticed that it was in pristine condition and that the red ink had barely dried. Jason advised that he carried it in an air tight container to preserve its longevity. Again, I marvelled at his dedication to the cause.
However, there was one final sticking point, before I decided to run to the ATM and part with some cold hard cash. At the bottom of the thriller album sleeve note, it stated “Digitally re-mastered 2010”, that and a botched attempt at half removing a HMV price tag.
So I put it to Jason, how did he get the King of Pop to sign the album a year after he died? Was it through a seance one of his many contacts might have had with Jacko? Or did Michael come back from the dead and launch the re-mastered albums at his local HMV shop in Dudley?
Obviously he didn’t know what had happened but would be talking to his contact for answers.
Obviously he didn’t know what had happened but would be talking to his contact for answers.
As he made a quick exit, Jason advised he would be back next week and have something that I would definitely be interested in. I can’t wait, roll on next week.
Take care for now, peace love and happiness.
TanRockStar
P.S. Please feel free to checkout and donate on the site below, it’s all for a good cause and don’t worry, not a single penny will be going to Mr Jason Getts.
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