I don’t know about you, but my work meetings normally involve middle aged men sitting around an architectural plan of new by-pass road or a roundabout design whilst munching on chocolate digestives, drinking Nescafe gold blend and saying “Hmmm” quite a lot. So I was expecting more of the same in a meeting I had today, minus the biscuits and coffee of course (observing month of Ramadan) when I met a new consultancy firm.
Now for those of you who don’t know, I work in the highways engineering sector here in the West Midlands where the demographic is probably 90% white male, with an average age of 50.
I won’t bore you with the details of the meeting but it was about traffic signals. I can see some of you moving the mouse cursor to the X at the top right hand of your screen but stay with me, it gets better, I promise.
So I was settling down for the meeting when the guests started to arrive, the first one through the door was a young 30 something asian lady called Sanj. We had spoken on the phone once, where she thought my name was Tom.
Before she had even been introduced to the rest of my team, I could sense her piercing eyes on me. Something about Asians being automatically drawn to other Asians in a room full of white people, it’s like radar we have. I think it was pretty much the same radar that the terminator had when looking for John Connor.
Sanj couldn’t come over quick enough. I must say she was dressed impeccable, in her high powered business suit straight out of an Asiana magazine photo shoot.
As I introduced myself, her first response was ..”Oh my god you’re Asian, I never realised” I had to look at my hand to double check the colour of my skin, yes, yes, she was right, a fine observation. A vigorous handshake followed that seemed like a warm up for an arm wrestling match, I swear she was shaking it for at least a minute, my hand that is, as she introduced herself.
As the rest of the delegates arrived for the meeting, Sanj stood by my side, we must have come across as husband and wife. As I sat down at the table, Sanj grabbed the chair next to me that my colleague had been eyeing up. You see my colleague Neil always sits next to me in meetings with external clients, and it’s a kind of assurance policy where we can double team clients that are being a bit arsey.
However on this occasion Sanj was there first, as quick as a flash and at this point, the professionalism just went right out the window. “Oh I’ll sit next to you” she said in an excited manner, as she squeezed my knee under the table. I was just completely lost for words. An uncomfortable laugh was all I could let out, followed by looking around the room to see if anyone else had seen it, but no they were oblivious to what was going on. Too bloody busy prizing open the chocolate digestives.
I must have imagined it. After all it was Ramadan, it was day 17, a lack of food and sleep can make anyone hallucinate. Was I dreaming? I was feeling pretty tired. No one else noticed anything, so I ignored the blatant grope, and asked her about her journey and if she got lost as most visitors do when visiting.
I adjusted my seat to give me more space, Sanj countered by adjusting her seat and moving closer. My active imagination started to wander. What if Sanj didn’t let up and started to stalk me? My own personal stalker. How cool would that be? Sure would make coming into work a tad more interesting. I could walk into the office one day and have lots of cool gifts waiting at my desk!
Wait a minute, that is the profile of a dream stalker. What about the nightmare scenario stalker? I started to think Michael Douglas, Glen Close and Fatal Attraction. I’ve never owned a pet rabbit but I do have Mango, my little goldfish. Oh what if Sanj refuses to take rejection and breaks in one night, takes poor Mango and makes a Thai styled steamed fish dinner. Oh dear god please no.
Anyway back to reality, and I catch Sanj staring at the pen I was holding, or so I thought that’s what she was looking at. Her next response left me thinking she would not go quietly.... “Oh I see you’re not wearing a wedding ring, you do look too young to be married tho” as she moved in, invading my personal space. Cue nervous laugh and hesitant response on my part.. “No, the bachelor life is too good to turn my back on for now”
At this point, the wry smile and the gleam in her eyes, said it all, it was like a scene out of Twilight when the teenage Bella sees the Vampire Edward for the first time and starts to lust like a nymphomaniac on death row.
It could so easily have been one of those David Attenborough wildlife programmes where the hunter sizes up the prey before striking. However in this instance, I not only had a full 3D HD view of it without the silly specs, I was actually the prey, like a poor zebra or a deer, minding their own business at the lake, and then there is Sanj, the tigress behind the bushes, lurking with intent, all but ready to pounce.
I can honestly say I’ve never been so glad to start a meeting on traffic signal design in all my life. An hour and a half later, with the meeting over and everyone in a rush to get home, I’m glad there was no standing around networking and schmoozing. However there was one final parting shot by Sanj, as she found time to thrust her business card in my hand and say “Look forward to seeing you again”. Who said the life of an Engineer is boring?
Peace love & happiness.
TanRockstar
