Just another day in the office....

I don’t know about you, but my work meetings normally involve middle aged men sitting around an architectural plan of new by-pass road or a roundabout design whilst munching on chocolate digestives, drinking Nescafe gold blend and saying “Hmmm” quite a lot.  So I was expecting more of the same in a meeting I had today, minus the biscuits and coffee of course (observing month of Ramadan) when I met a new consultancy firm.

Now for those of you who don’t know, I work in the highways engineering sector here in the West Midlands where the demographic is probably 90% white male, with an average age of 50.

I won’t bore you with the details of the meeting but it was about traffic signals.  I can see some of you moving the mouse cursor to the X at the top right hand of your screen but stay with me, it gets better, I promise.

So I was settling down for the meeting when the guests started to arrive, the first one through the door was a young 30 something asian lady called Sanj.  We had spoken on the phone once, where she thought my name was Tom.

Before she had even been introduced to the rest of my team, I could sense her piercing eyes on me. Something about Asians being automatically drawn to other Asians in a room full of white people, it’s like radar we have.  I think it was pretty much the same radar that the terminator had when looking for John Connor.

Sanj couldn’t come over quick enough. I must say she was dressed impeccable, in her high powered business suit straight out of an Asiana magazine photo shoot. 

As I introduced myself, her first response was ..”Oh my god you’re Asian, I never realised”  I had to look at my hand to double check the colour of my skin, yes, yes, she was right, a fine observation.  A vigorous handshake followed that seemed like a warm up for an arm wrestling match, I swear she was shaking it for at least a minute, my hand that is, as she introduced herself.

As the rest of the delegates arrived for the meeting, Sanj stood by my side, we must have come across as husband and wife.  As I sat down at the table, Sanj grabbed the chair next to me that my colleague had been eyeing up.  You see my colleague Neil always sits next to me in meetings with external clients, and it’s a kind of assurance policy where we can double team clients that are being a bit arsey.

However on this occasion Sanj was there first, as quick as a flash and at this point, the professionalism just went right out the window.  “Oh I’ll sit next to you” she said in an excited manner, as she squeezed my knee under the table. I was just completely lost for words. An uncomfortable laugh was all I could let out, followed by looking around the room to see if anyone else had seen it, but no they were oblivious to what was going on.  Too bloody busy prizing open the chocolate digestives. 

I must have imagined it.  After all it was Ramadan, it was day 17, a lack of food and sleep can make anyone hallucinate.  Was I dreaming? I was feeling pretty tired.  No one else noticed anything, so I ignored the blatant grope, and asked her about her journey and if she got lost as most visitors do when visiting. 

I adjusted my seat to give me more space, Sanj countered by adjusting her seat and moving closer. My active imagination started to wander.  What if Sanj didn’t  let up and started to stalk me? My own personal stalker.  How cool would that be? Sure would make coming into work a tad more interesting.  I could walk into the office one day and have lots of cool gifts waiting at my desk!

Wait a minute, that is the profile of a dream stalker. What about the nightmare scenario stalker? I started to think Michael Douglas, Glen Close and Fatal Attraction. I’ve never owned a pet rabbit but I do have Mango, my little goldfish.  Oh what if Sanj refuses to take rejection and breaks in one night, takes poor Mango and makes a Thai styled steamed fish dinner. Oh dear god please no. 

Anyway back to reality, and I catch Sanj staring at the pen I was holding, or so I thought that’s what she was looking at.  Her next response left me thinking she would not go quietly.... “Oh I see you’re not wearing a wedding ring, you do look too young to be married tho” as she moved in, invading my personal space.  Cue nervous laugh and hesitant response on my part..  “No, the bachelor life is too good to turn my back on for now”

At this point, the wry smile and the gleam in her eyes, said it all, it was like a scene out of Twilight when the teenage Bella sees the Vampire Edward for the first time and starts to lust like a nymphomaniac on death row.

It could so easily have been one of those David Attenborough wildlife programmes where the hunter sizes up the prey before striking. However in this instance, I not only had a full 3D HD view of it without the silly specs, I was actually the prey, like a poor zebra or a deer, minding their own business at the lake, and then there is Sanj, the tigress behind the bushes, lurking with intent, all but ready to pounce.

I can honestly say I’ve never been so glad to start a meeting on traffic signal design in all my life.  An hour and a half later, with the meeting over and everyone in a rush to get home, I’m glad there was no standing around networking and schmoozing.  However there was one final parting shot by Sanj, as she found time to thrust her business card in my hand and say “Look forward to seeing you again”.  Who said the life of an Engineer is boring?

Peace love & happiness.

TanRockstar

Once upon a time in Akbars

In days gone by Leed’s favourite son would have been a fine actor like Peter O’Toole or a legendary footballer such as Billy Bremner.  However lately it’s been pretty slim pickings, the crown could go to Mel B of Spice Girls fame, or Chris Moyles the Radio 1 DJ.  However would you really want to associate your city with a loud mouth ex pop star who just wants to tell you what she wants, what she really really wants? or disc jockey with a face for radio? My point exactly, so who could take on the mantle of Leeds favourite son?

Step forward Mr Shabir Hussain, the man behind Akbars Restaurant. 

Now if you haven’t heard of Akbars, you soon will, as it is fast becoming the highest profile indian restaurant chain in the country. Originally opened in Leeds in 1995 with a simple 28 seat restaurant it fast became the hottest ticket in town for fine indian cusine in the north of England renowned for its fabulous food and atmosphere. 

It has become such a success that it has branched out across the country with seven restaurants opening in as many years and there are now plans to open in London and as far as Milan.   Birmingham was one of the cities chosen by Shabir Hussain for a new Akbars restaurant and it opened its doors on the busy Hagley Road in the summer of 2009.  Taking a prime spot of what was formerly the Liberty’s nightclub, once one of Birmingham’s most popular nightlife venues. 

Today, other than the imposing grand entrance, there is no reminder or evidence of its hedonistic past. Rumours of a £2million makeover transformed the old sticky, beer sodden floors and tired seating into a sumptuous banqueting hall, decked out with rich, luxurious imported furnishings that ooze decadence.

A nice chill out bar allows you to have a drink first, before taking the long ramp to the dining area that seats at least 300 people with a private function area for a further 200.  Red chandeliers and shimmering glass light fittings hover over tables, while glittery curtains of glass sparkle at one side of the room. Flock wallpaper and cream leather benches dominate the surroundings.

Now since its opening, I must admit that I have been a frequent visitor, and have dined half a dozen times or so either as a couple or as part of a group.  I can tell you that Akbars is not a place for a quiet candlelit dinner for two on the weekend.  Friday and Saturday night dining can see you wait up to 45mins for a table, and being a 300 seat restaurant it can get pretty loud with lots of group parties.

The menu sees a large selection of traditional, vegetarian and seafood starters, then an even more detailed list of original baltis, veggie dishes and chef’s specialities. There’s also a variety of desi-apna delights, which are all cooked in traditional Punjabi style, in a thick rich dry sauce using green chillies, spices, lemon and fresh coriander.

For starters I went for the tried and trusted lamb chops and for the main course I chose the chicken and keema karahi.

The lamb chop starter was delicate and juicy, completely delicious and what was a nice touch was the side salad that accompanied it. No limp lettuce here – it was a fine mix of tomatoes, peppers, onion and olives in a tangy dressing.  The rest of the gang enjoyed masala fish and chicken tikka, both of which were beautifully presented and came with the same delightfully presented salad.

Along with the main, we ordered a plain naan, and what we had delivered to our table was the largest single piece of bread I’ve ever seen, and not only that, it was displayed on a huge stand that when placed on the table, shielding me from my friends sitting opposite.  I must add that it was more than enough for the four of us and the bread was fresh and soft.

The chicken and keema balti was cooked in a rich masala sauce, the right side of spicy and absolutely delightful. It wasn’t too heavy, and was wonderfully fresh.  My friends dined on chicken karahi, lamb balti and chana and paneer balti – chick peas and Indian cheese – and all agreed it was a fantastic fare. In a restaurant of this size it could be easy to let standards slip but the care and attention that went into the preparation of our meals meant it felt like we were the only people dining.

Now Akbars is not your ordinary indian restaurant, not content with singing happy birthday to any guest who was celebrating, their waiter/singer actually takes requests and puts even my own karaoke repertoire to shame.  Umar will sing any song from Shah Rukh Khan bollywood classics to Celine Dion’s titanic I kid you not. 

It really has to be seen and heard to be believed.  One minute you’re sampling the delight of a finely cooked shish kebab and the next you and 50 other guests are singing the chorus to George Michael’s Careless Whisper in a mass sing along.  It is truly astonishing entertainment in the most unlikely of settings, but all part of the experience.

I’­m pleased to say that Akbar’s Birmingham is a great night out that provides high quality cuisine and a vibrant atmosphere. 2 years on since first sampling the food, the question my friends still ask me every Saturday is “fancy going for an Akbar’s?”  I think that says it all. 


TanRockStar

ADDRESS
Akbar’s

181 Hagley Road, Edgbaston B16 9NY

Phone: 0121 452 1862